Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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