Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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