your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
