Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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