i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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