I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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