the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
