It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
