i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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