doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
