lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
