By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
