I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
