I am puke
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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