you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
