...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
