And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
