I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
