Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
