I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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