he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
