I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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