I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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