She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
