This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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