ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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