his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
