Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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