I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
