wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
