I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
