I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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