What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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