I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Having a random hookup so left but love u
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
