Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
