May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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