you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
