i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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