just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
