i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
