I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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