I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
