would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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