What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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