Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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