Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Randomize
