I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
