did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
