Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
