if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you traded sex for a burrito?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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