This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
