aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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