I've blown a few things in my day
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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