i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
