My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
