This dress was meant to end up on your floor
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
