hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
